Achieving That Sought After Commitment In A Relationship
By David Murphy (c) 2006
A major concern in budding relationships is how does one ensure that the
relationship will endure and that one will not be unceremoniously dumped or
quietly moved aside.
Without a degree of commitment, the experience of intimacy is not as deep and satisfying as it otherwise could be.
Females find this issue of commitment a greater source of concern than males. Females desire security in a relationship with the right person often more than men. Indeed a relationship is a concept that is more dear to women than it is to men and so this article is directed more to giving ladies tips on how to secure commitment in a way that men will relate to and that men will abide by and take seriously.
A relationship needs a mutually respected foundation, a set of understandings that are accepted by both and this should be in writing, not words that are spoken today and forgotten next week. The spoken word that is not committed to writing is not binding, so many men think.
Men think in terms of business and work and in the course of their work they encounter agreements and rules and requirements that are committed to and are often recorded in writing and for a good many, if the terms of a relationship are set down in writing it will command more respect and the man will abide by its agreed upon terms. A relationship in which no one is prepared to commit is a happy or an unhappy illusion but no relationship at all and no source of security.
A woman seeking commitment, or a man seeking commitment, if they really mean that, will agree to a commitment in the form of a document which crystallizes their relationship and which is respected and by which both parties will abide for its duration and adhere to its requirements.
A Relationship Agreement is the most appropriate vehicle. It has a set of agreed upon terms and the most important element is that it ensures commitment as there is a consideration (a bond or troth) that is put on the table and passes from one party to the other, or from both to each other simultaneously, at the outset and this consideration makes the agreement binding and thus respected and honoured by both parties and when the agreement is honoured each party is honoured and treated with dignity and respect.
Avoiding having a supposed commitment which is reflected in a written agreement means that one is not prepared to seriously commit but that one would prefer to tacitly leave the door open to escape.
At the moment there are a few personal relationship agreements to be found on the net, but they mostly concern what a particular couple will allow each other to do within the relationship and those couples have published their agreement on the net as a form of commitment.
The concept of a relationship agreement will become more common and accepted in coming years as people seek to avoid marriage as under our Family Law marriage can put assets at risk in the absence of a financial agreement and its duration is not guaranteed.
To read more on Relationship Agreements go to http://aic.net.au/~match/ft1ra.htm to read the notes, (which are week 3 of the author’s FT1, Finding the One, course) and download a copy of the RA and put it into action. It will add a lot of spice and security to your budding or even a maturing relationship.
Relationship Counsellors are welcome to promote the concept of the RA in their counselling.
If you feel you wish to discuss the concept of the RA more please feel free to ring.
The author has been active in the Sydney Singles scene since he began the Dinner Club in Sydney in October 1978. During the ensuing 28 years he has become an authority in Sydney on the subject of the finding of relationships and has been instrumental in many people finding their partners through his events. He is the author of the FT1 Finding the One, course which is taught in Sydney.
David’s website is www.dinnerclub.net.au
02 – 9743 4357