Is he flirting with me? By: Katia Loisel (c) 2006

Ever wondered to yourself - is he flirting with me?

Picture yourself at a social function, you are feeling good about yourself and in the mood for some light-hearted fun.

You meet that guy you have had your eye on, and he starts sending out all these friendly signals. You are thinking this will be fun. The only thing is your flirting radar cannot work it out...

Is he flirting or just being friendly?

So how do you tell the difference i.e is he flirting or just being nice?

Understanding how guys think is the first step in the process. They tend to think less about flirting than girls do, for instance, our experience shows guys just do not discuss flirting as much as girls do.

Let us give you an idea of what we mean. Most guys in our experience are looking for a quick solution, a '10 point plan' you can follow and bam you get your desired result

e.g "tell me how to get the girls". Girls tend to ask us "is he flirting - how do I tell if he is really flirting or not?" not so much for guys.

Girls however generally love the process of flirting and understanding how he and she flirts with others, the different nuances, the teasing, the seduction and probably know a little more about flirting signals.

With this in mind it is not uncommon for guys to not be so involved in the flirting process. They are more likely to 'steer' a conversation, to get the desired result, rather than let the ballet of establishing rapport happen naturally.

This is where it can be difficult to understand - is he flirting or not?.

There are of course guys who are into the art of conversing, the give and take of flirting and enjoy the ebb and flow involved. Girls will usually know if he is flirting with them.

There are many however who simply are not natural flirts and are less concerned with conversation for conversation's sake. They get bored or frustrated by it.

Don't get upset or frustrated by this - its just understanding the male brain. Males can be very purpose driven and less involved with the process of being a flirt.

This is not to say they aren't excited when they flirt - indeed every bit as much as girls. He usually has less experience though and sometimes can be less skillful in the art of romantic flirting.

Here are some tell tale sign he is flirting with you:

N.B Its important to note we are looking for clusters of 3 or more of these signals. Studies have shown and our experience certainly backs this up - you need a cluster of signals aimed at you for you to be really sure.

• Stroking his tie or smoothing his lapel - just like the animals in the jungle we start to preen ourselves when we are attracted and flirting with someone.
• Extended eye contact - one of the tell tale signs to look out for. So how do you tell - is he flirting? - look out to see if he does this more than once - if its aimed at you its a good sign.
• Stiffening of body posture - a more rigid posture can be a tell tale sign he wants to look his best for you.
• Leaning in during conversation - a great way to find out if he is interested is to be suggestive and whisper something like a secret - if he leans in or asks you to speak up its a good sign.
• Offers you a drink - good sign especially if its only you he asks.
• Blushing in the face - one of the uncontrollable tell tale signals he is interested. There are some micro gestures around the face we cannot fake such as twitching or nervousness.
• He will do anything to make you laugh - a lot of guys are more comfortable playing around or having fun. This is a great sign he is flirting with you. See how he reacts when you laugh as well. Guys like to see their girls happy and a potential partner is no exception.
• Quick look away after eye contact - guys and girls both do this when they are interested.
• Wink - a wink can work or fall flat like a lead balloon. Its leaves the recipient in little doubt though!
• Look away, look back - girls tend to do this more but guys can be a bit cheeky and shy at the same time. If he looks back again its a very big sign. More than once and he is definitely flirting with you.
• Smile with eye contact - we know this straightforward one is what the girls really like, and it works like a charm!

What if he won't flirt with me?

Some guys just aren't into the flirting thing straight away. However there is good news.

We believe every guy flirts given the right circumstance. Try a few of these little tips to see if he will flirt with you.

About the author:

Katia Loisel has run flirting workshops since 2003 in Melbourne, Australia and speed dating events since 2001
and is the owner of www.top-flirting-tips.com  - A website showing conversation and body language techniques that consistently get results.