Dealing with Relationship Rejection
© David Newton
October, 2006

Feelings of hurt, anger, frustration, disappointment and loss at a break up or being simply dumped by a partner can take its toll on your health, and general wellbeing.

But what do you do to overcome the feeling of rejection and get yourself back on your feet again?

When people go through a break up they go through a lot of emotions before finally getting back on their feet again and it’s important not to let yourself take it too hard. Here’s a simple plan for you to get yourself going again and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Change Your Day
Firstly, you need to change what you do each day. This sets a new change in your outlook by

• Change your daily routine
• See a funny movie
• Contact old friends and contacts
• Fill in your day with new activities

The biggest challenge is that most people tend to spend their time hooked into “re-living the relationship”, going to old haunts where you and your partner used to go, and stewing over why it broke up. If you’re doing these things, sure it’s going to take even longer to get over a break up.

But understandably, the hardest part comes when you’re alone at night and dreaming of being with your partner in bed, right?

Go to a Massage Specialist
Here’s what I suggest you do and it works well for me. Go to a massage specialist. If you’re a guy and getting over a lady, pick yourself a lovely massage lady to see. Go regularly, as it’s the touching and affection that needs to be replaced by another person, so you wont feel like you’re hungering for your old partner. Also, if you see a massage lady, you’ll be able to get the affection needs you crave for without getting tied up with yet another relationship or dating another lady on the re-bound. And if you haven’t already worked it out if you’re a woman, see a male masseur, so your needs are met without landing yourself into an early relationship again. The other reason is that you need to keep away from your old partner and not place them under any pressures at all. Asking your new ex-partner, for sex at a time like this, when you've just broken up isn't going to get you any brownie points.

Take a Holiday
Another thing that helps is taking a holiday away. You can catch up well if you get out of town and really get as far away as you can. Let’s face it, if you got the sack from your job, you’d probably be online booking a flight away that weekend right off, okay? Well what’s the difference from getting the sack from your partner? No different. So don’t sit around, get moving and get out of your home and be somewhere as fast as you possibly can. Sitting around at home is a sure fire way to drive you nutty and sure to get you more reminders of your partner.

Tidy Your Home and Buy New Clothing
Change right away your home or flat, make big changes in the way your place looks and even change the way your bedroom looks especially. Change the colour and décor of as much of it as you can.

On top of all that, you’ll need to change the way you look and even your hair style. Chances are that was from your old partner so change it now.

Be Good to Yourself – and Don’t Crowd out Your Old Partner
Take yourself out to nice places and eat well. Surround yourself with friends whom I’m sure you haven’t seen for a while. Most people who take a relationship break up the hardest are the ones who make their partner EVERYTHING in their life. This is a big problem as it’s sure to get your new partner offside because you’re placing them under pressure to perform at such a high level.

These people are frequently the same ones who stalk their old partner and even hang out at the places they are most sure to go to, just to get even a glimpse of that person or try to get them to come back to the relationship. If this is you, then you are making life much worse for the both of you.

Let Go and Live
The main point of all this activity is to get you to let go of your old partner. Yes, it’s hard, but holding onto them (or anyone for that matter) is not going to help you one bit or even your old partner. Being possessive and jealous of them and their new life (even with a new partner) only serves to bog you down into more useless heartache.

Let them go. Let them live and bless them and their new life.

Should I Get a New Relationship?
Most people would not recommend it. But if you’re the dating type and really can’t stand being on your own. I’d say you’ll need to be up front and tell anyone you date that you’re fresh out of a break up and ONLY WANT a casual relationship. Don’t ask for anything more than a casual relationship. Otherwise, your new partner will feel like they haven’t got all of you and will be expecting more than you can or will deliver. Don’t put them through that burden.

Like I said earlier, get a masseuse to fill your needs, rather than doing a repeat by seeing a new partner and putting them through an unnecessary hell of a time with you, and your up and down emotions during your rejection recovery period.

And – If You Do Stew Over the Old Relationship
You are better off resolving to make positive changes to your next relationship and listen to the feedback of the old relationship you were dumped from. TAKE THE FEEDBACK. Historians say that; “If we don’t learn from the past, we are doomed to repeat it”. You too are doomed to repeat the past if you don’t learn from your last lover and former partner. Face facts, they did leave you for a reason. To them, it was you who didn’t hear what they said or even listen to the warnings. Both genders are just as responsible to for making mistakes. At some point, a partner gives up and says “I want out” and that’s the point where the break up happens. A partner who wants to leave sometimes has left the relationship long before they actually do it in a lot of cases.

Well that’s it from me. I could go on as this is a big topic. But I’ll leave you to get working on the things you need to do now to get over your last relationship. Let your rejection feels dissipate by doing other things listed above and making your time productive by moving positively forward into a new life for yourself.