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Dating or Flirting? By Andrew Bryant

Dating or Flirting?
By: Andrew Bryant
Communication expert and co-author of “The Street Guide to Flirting”

We have all seen them, that guy or girl who breezes into a room, effortlessly attracting everyone’s attention. And let’s face it – they’re not necessarily the best looking or the smartest person in the crowd. They aren’t super rich and they’re not famous. So what’s their secret?

It’s about flirting and flirting well. A good flirt knows how to make anyone around them feel good and that’s a powerful skill. Great flirts are always polite; they never come on too strong and absolutely never, EVER do or say anything they can’t back out of gracefully.

When it comes to dating the flirt has the jump on the competition, why? Because they have already made someone feel good, feel safe but at the same time a little excited about the possibilities of a date.

Anyone can develop his or her flirting skills but first you need get the flirting attitude.
It starts with you – are you confident and playful? These two ingredients are essential because it is an uphill struggle to make others feel special and to like you if you don’t like yourself. Self-esteem is not a thing you have but a thing you do. Esteem means value, so how are you valuing yourself? You have lots of things you can be confident about, starting with your ability to be you. Nobody can be you the way you can and when it comes to dating, the best compliment you can pay your date is to 100% turn up and be yourself, oh yes, and have some fun. Simple thing to remember – if you get serious – you get stupid!

Flirts are great at asking questions and being interested in the answers because flirts know that if you can get someone talking about himself or herself they are going to feel comfortable with you. Good questions are open questions, such as “what’s important to you about…?” 

Paying compliments comes natural to flirts and it is guaranteed to make the other person feel special. Casanova was the master flirt and his advice was to compliment the beautiful on their intellect and the intelligent on their beauty.

Remember flirting is not just a prelude to sex; it’s about being playful, fun and making the other person feel good, so be ambiguous never direct. Leave the other person wondering and therefore wanting more. Assert your right to flirt everywhere, the bus, the supermarket, anywhere you can make eye contact and deliver a smile. The more you practice, the more it becomes a way of life and the more opportunities you will have…

You can always cool it down if thing get overheated. When teaching the art of flirting many of my students are initially afraid to flirt in case it gets out of hand. By becoming a keen observer of other peoples body language you will soon get the signals that your flirting has had an effect, at this point you can choose to cross the line or say firmly but with a smile “We just having fun, right? I wouldn’t want you to misunderstand - I’m just flirting.”

And you don’t have to stop flirting when you are in a relationship; the rule is that you must flirt within the relationship more than you flirt with people outside it. Flirting with your partner is a great way to keep the relationship fresh.

For more information on flirting, read “The Street Guide to Flirting” by Andrew Bryant and Michelle Lia Lewis, published by Allen & Unwin or visit .