© Peta Heskell Sept 2003 - "Dating Again"
You've buried his memory, got over the grief and spent time learning to like yourself. Like a flower in bud, you're ready to burst onto the dating scene again. Here's some top tips to help you find the love you want.
Boost your self esteem. Before going out, stand in front of the mirror and imagine you're a goddess or someone you admire How would she talk, smile, stand. Take on her actions and say to yourself, I'm a goddess and spend the entire day acting as a goddess would. You'll be surprised at how it changes other people's reactions.
Dress to attract not seduce. Revealing breasts, legs and large acres of flesh say 'I'm up for sex'. Women who use their sexuality to attract a man, generally lack self confidence. Show you're a confident happy woman. Emphasise your good points but save the ultra sexy clothing for when you're with that special someone.
Be open to indirect connections Don't leave a party because there are no decent men there. Decide to have fun and be open to sideways opportunities. The girl who talks to you at the drinks table could be a potential link to someone who is just right to you.
Transmit your energy. Think of how good you feel when you're at your best, Imagine an invisible thread connecting your heart to his heart. Send out a silent message such as 'You're gorgeous' or 'I like the look of you'. You'll be surprised what people pick up unconsciously.
Give clear signals I sometimes feel I need to repeat this a thousand times. Most men need very clear signals before they'll make a move. Instead of flirting with the ones you don't like or those that are easy to get, show the ones you really like you're interested. If you don't he'll be afraid to make a move. Smile, make eye contact and repeat this two or three times.
Go halfway to meeting him Instead of fearing rejection, realise that most men [other than control freaks] love to be approached by a woman. You don't have to act like amazon warrior on the hunt. Simply give them your number/email and let them know you'd be open to them calling you.
Learn the art of small talk. Notice your surroundings and make throw away comments about what's going on. You don't have to give a Miss World speech, just start a conversation. A simple 'hi' or a compliment or a line like 'it's nice to be inside when it's raining outside, it feels kind of cosy.
Remember the only things a relationship needs to get going is that you like each other, you can talk to each other and you find each other attractive. All the rest is and learning, acceptance and adapting.
Peta Heskell is director of the Flirting Academy and author of 'Flirt Coach' Thorsons £8.99 and 'The Flirt Coach's guide to finding the love you want' published Feb 03. She's running a Flirting Weekend in Princeton New Jersey on October 11th and 12th. Check it out on www.oceaniccommunications.com/signup.html
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