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Your Relationship
And Dating
Resume
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Your Relationship And
Dating Resume
How The Experience Of Many Dates Makes You A Better Relationship Prospect
© David Newton
2/2/08
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Strange but true, Your "Relationship
Resume" is Very
Important in Developing
Newer Relationships.
- Yet why can it be important?
- Why does one lover who has had many partners have some kind of an edge
over a partner with less than a handful?
- How can the experience of being with say one great love be also an
advantage over a person with many lovers too?
- What does it mean when making a commitment to a partner who has a
different love life CV to yourself?
Not to mention, even your work choices have either a positive or a
markedly negative effect on the relationships you get involved in. Again,
looking for evidence on this isn’t too hard to find.
In the movie "Trading Places" the common question was asked between the
two old stalwarts (in a 1 dollar bet mind you) was the background of the
two unsuspecting younger guys a factor of success or the genetic makeup.
Likewise - is the factor of success in love between two people their
desire to succeed or their background of loving experience a contributor
to their success as partners?
I often feel at some level we do need lots of love experience in order to
maintain a commitment of love. But similarly we need environmental factors
to help make it possible longer term too. And if you are in a job whereby
you are either too tired or too often away from your partner or deal a lot
with negative influences daily, it will affect your prospects of
communication with a lover you are with.
What we gain from a long line of relationships;
1. Communication Skills
If you have practice with lots of people, you'll develop skills in
communicating your way with people of different personality types. This
helps you to realize that people have different needs. And people all
respond in different ways. You gain the skills to handle things that way.
2. Patience with Your Partner
In a similar context, experience with different relationships gives you
skill in being patient. You discover what is important and what's not. You
are less likely to get flustered over non-essential things.
3. Empathy and Understanding
A key element in relating success is the ability to see into how your
partner thinks and feels. This intuitive ability can only come about
through seeing patterns over many similar relationships and to perceive
what's likely to be next, again without being upset at how your partner
may act or react. Instead, you'll be more caring and understanding.
4. Better Ability to Select a Partner
Yes, as a result of being in relationships with several partners over
time, you'll gain insight to how your own choices and that of others. This
is the very type of thing that refines your direction over time in
selecting the right type of partner in your life.
5. Street Credibility
It’s almost impossible to gain any credibility with a partner unless
you've walked in their shoes. In my case it wasn't until I went through a
marriage break-up that dates after that took me more seriously. As I could
then understand what challenges they endured due to their breakups. If I
hadn't been through a divorce, how could I empathize with others in a
similar situation? I gained a credible stance by treading the same pathway
and being there in their shoes.
6. Wisdom of Time
Often keeping a diary of ones life informs you about your life changes.
Over time, you can look back and say "Gee - is that how I saw things back
then!" at that point it’s easy to see how you have gained wisdom and
perspectives over the distance of time. Your outlook gains and edge by
seeing and even diverting from past life’s challenges.
Dating and Relating Skills
You can also gain from learning (and applying) new skills learned from
books and seminars during or between relationships.
Sometimes, I found going to a relationships or communications seminar very
hard for me - especially if I had just fallen out of a relationship. The
things I had to face were daunting.
But press on as I did, I still learned from the seminars and books I read.
I can tell you these times in my life were "reflective". However, as a
result of that investment in relationships skills and dating information,
my newer relationships were on a "higher plane" and problems of the past
never came back.
Years ago, as I heard quoted from Sondra Ray; "Relationships are one of
the best seminars in town, so don't avoid them" - It’s easy to think, that
because you're still learning, you should stay out of a relationship until
things are "just perfect".
I've seen some people stay out of relationships for years either waiting
for the perfect partner or for them to be at perfection (I was like this
too mind you!) But nothing beats rubber on the road, and learning from
BEING in a relationship, either a casual one or permanent. You can't live
on "theory" alone; you must grow from real life experiences and to take
them with open arms.
Example
If you wanted to be a medal winning swimmer - would you avoid getting in
the water of an Olympic pool just because you had one or two lost races?
No - you'd be there the next day, and the day after that over and over,
week after week. Dating and relationships is no different. You'll only
grow by "being in the game", not being a mere spectator.
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