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When Is
Making Love Sex
And
Sex Making Love?
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When Is Making Love Sex And Sex Making Love?
© David Newton
5/30/08
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Confession, I've been involved with this debate for over 17 years now. It
seems as if everybody has an opinion on the topic. And for good reason, no
one wants to invest their emotions in the wrong place.
Its one also closely related to these topics:
- One Night Stands
- The Office Romance
- An Affair
Protecting Downside Risk
Like it or not, love and sex will come with disappointments. You meet a
potential mate, think you're having a great time, then only to find out in
the bedroom, it doesn't have that spark. People can be turned off by the
tiniest of things.
So do you cry about it? I think not, just smile and move on. Its nobody's
fault if there isn't a "match" so please don't blame your partner.
One Night Stands
I think a lot of "one Night Stands" didn't start out that way. Maybe the
reverse was true. Two lovers got together and there was a miss-match on
some level.
Commitment Phobia
Some miss matches can be due in part to
Commitment Phobia - that can be
one partner wanting more than the other. In fact, some people avoid sex
due to fears about being hooked to the wrong person or fear of engulfment,
fear of loosing control etc.
The Office Romance
At the office, you can easily get connected to a person you work with only
few cubicles away. Back in the days when I used to work for a living, it
happened to me. Was it love or lust? I'm actually not sure it was
either!!! I met a lady whom I had a lot in common, but since she was going
through her own break up story, I didn't wish to get to entangled unless
she went back to him. That aside, the sex as it was became lubricant to
meeting and discussions about matter from art to ..well the office where
we worked at.
What types of sex - making love are there?
Quickie Sex
You have a need and you want to as fast as possible get it out of the way.
Booty Call Sex
You have a Bonk Buddy and you call them up for sex and this could be at
any time of the clock.
Anonymous Sex
Where you meet a partner at a function or event and pair off for the
mutual pleasures of a sexual encounter.
Gourmet Sex
Yeah I love this one. You take time to really seek out doing for each
other your fantasies. This could be anything from spending a night at a
hotel with a spa in the room. To going to a secluded tropical beach,
stripping off swimming and making love (err sex was it?) in the water or
on the beach. Okay, if you live in Melbourne, try the back beaches near
Mornington you get what I mean.
Does all sex need to have a connection?
Well yes and no. Whilst I like to share a connection with a partner, they
may not with me. After all you can't force your views onto others. I'm the
"sentimental guy" and I keep a diary - but others I can say don't do what
I do. Why should they? The point I'm making is, you have be responsible
for your own experience as much as possible.
Having an Affair
I am 100% single, okay, so this one I'm writing as a divergent text. The
best sex people tell me is when the fall in love with a partner from
another relationship.
I met a lady in 1991 whom I dated while I was writing a book. I asked her
why she was single as she was a real knock out looking woman in her prime
of life. Her answer held me on the edge of my seat as she told me her
story.
She said she fell out of a long term marriage to a corporate type of guy
she had been with for at least two decades. All due to "having an affair"
with a guy who lived only a couple of blocks away from her who was also
married. Apparently her dream guy wasn't able to leave his commitment and
she had left, making herself out on the street.
BUT, she told me we had the best communication and the best sex she'd ever
had.
Well did that stand out in my mind when she said that one.
And I guess it’s true. She like many others before and after did have
great sex due to a "clandestine affair" which in her case left her
standing alone.
I can feel for her situation. And you know, since then I’ve met many like
her who have been in a similar situation just that their stories haven't
been as dramatic as hers, but the result is basically the same.
We all want what we can't have and that heightens our senses to such a
degree we live our sexual encounter at a far far deeper level.
This is also true in more ways than one.
We live our lives on "Auto Pilot" most of what we do we don't think about.
I.E. What shoe did you put on first this morning? How many times did you
stir the cup when you made your morning coffee? Get what I mean?
Same too with sex. A lot of what we "think we can control" is governed by
our pre-written scripts inside our heads. We get a routine we feel
comfortable with and we stay in that groove (okay was that a pun?) ...
Anyways, just how much of your sexual encounters wind up being what you
wanted, or dreamed or were they just to get off or did you want to break
free from your programming and explore your senses beyond just doing the
bear minimum?
Like I said, you are responsible for your own experiences. If you want
that to be different, the only person who can change it looks back at you
from the mirror.
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