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Taking Aussie
Blokes off the Hook!
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Taking Aussie Blokes off the Hook!
© Shazara 2008
Queensland
Some thoughts shared by Shazara
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A friend of
mine who loves delving deeply into women’s issues and sexual matters was
chatting to me recently. She said, “I can’t believe the comments I hear
from the blokes on the building site near me! They’re gross, they’re
demeaning to women”! She continued, “Their comments make me squirm.”
We laughed and joked about this, and talked about a recent survey where
Aussie women were said to be the most frustrated women in the world! Does
it follow then that Aussie blokes are the worst lovers in the world? Or
could it be that our Aussie blokes have been brought up with less
knowledge about mutual sexual pleasure, and perhaps face more challenges
in their formative years by way of the locker room jokes over issues such
as premature ejaculation, or penis envy.
I have been part of so many of my girlfriends’ intimate conversations
about our frustrated desire for guys to learn how to really connect with
us, how to make love in a more sensitive and giving way, and share the
pleasure. Ah, if only . . .
As a Tantric Healer, I am here to challenge the status quo and challenge
you girls to think about the role we can play in being part of your guy’s
healing journey to sensitive, sensuous, sharing sexual pleasure and
fulfilment!
Let’s be real! Sexual energy makes the world go round. That is how we were
all conceived - out of the sexual energy from our parents. And I know I am
attracted to heart-felt sex because of the powerful, loving energy it can
create!
ƒ
Here is a powerful story from a 63-year-old woman, called ‘Jane’, about an
encounter with an Aussie bloke. When we hear Jane’s story below, while we
may feel empathy, I want to encourage you to become part of the solution!
Jane says, “When we were introduced at a party, I was sitting on a rug by
the fire. He knelt down and took my hand looking into my face. We talked
and laughed for quite some hours. It seemed we had much in common and he
was close to my age - important when one is 63 but still 17 at heart.
I was staying the night at the party location in Queensland, and leaving
for New South Wales the following day. When my newfound friend learned I
was staying an extra day, he asked me to go to his house for dinner the
next night. When I arrived, we were happy to see each other. He poured me
a glass of wine and for half an hour or so we chatted and laughed. Then,
out of the blue, he pushed me against the wall and kissed me quite
roughly. I pushed him away with a firm No, but he persisted in licking my
neck as though I was some sort of ice cream, saying, “Come on baby, you
know you want it, you’re not getting any younger you know!”. Then he
looked into my shocked and slightly frightened eyes and said in a cynical
tone, “You didn’t really think I was going to come to New South Wales to
date you? Come on”.
My heart sank. I felt small, stupid and worthless. In that second, the
illusion of something potentially precious turned to dust at our feet.”
So girls, what do we do? How often have you been part of this experience?
We desperately want something more meaningful than Jane’s example above.
Do we keep bemoaning the fact that Aussie blokes are the worst lovers in
the world, or do we ask ourselves, a deeper question, such as why are many
guys like this? Where do the guys go to learn about their sexuality,
intimacy, their emotional needs and thus the needs of others?
A friend asked me how I define an ‘Aussie bloke.’ I decided to google this
and here is what appeared on my monitor.
_________________________
BEING A GOOD AUSSIE BLOKE
A good Aussie bloke is hard to find. The multicultural and politically
correct society we live in says Aussie men are now split into six groups:
1. Old School Aussie blokes
2. Yobbos
3. SNAGS
3. Trendy Fuckwits
5. Fully Sick Wogboys
6. Dole Bludgers
_______________________________
While some of these words may fit some of the stereotypes of Aussie
blokes, let’s dig a little deeper.
Do you experience the generations of men, say in their sixties, fifties
and forties, as being different from the guys in their thirties? Is there
a difference according to their educational status?
Watching Wayne Carey’s interview with Andrew Denton gave me a valuable
clue to finding out a little more about Aussie guys. The hostile harsh
environment of Wayne’s upbringing, without the nurturing of his mother for
most of his formative years, and his consequent fame, created a monster
few of us would know how to deal with.
Did you at any stage ask yourself why was it that Wayne would just binge
drink, and do drugs? Or did you point your finger at the culprit?
Dr. Deepak Chopra has elegantly written about this:
He says, “For thousands of years human beings have largely ignored or
denigrated the feminine aspect of their personality, while focusing on
domination, struggle and ego. As we continue our evolutionary journey, it
is absolutely important for both men and women to embrace feminine power.
In fact, this may be our best hope for inspiring global change.”
ƒ
So where does a guy go to learn about his ‘feminine’ side?
As a healer, I have seen hundreds of clients who could be classified as
the typical Aussie Bloke. Many are deprived of the sense of touch and have
had no intimacy in their lives. Some men are extremely lonely in their
partnerships, and some men have a deep sense there is something missing.
Almost all have no idea how their sexual energy works!
For guys growing up now, it can be so confusing, as there is so much
sexually explicit material available everywhere, but where do these guys
learn about appropriate masculine behaviour? Do they secretly yearn to be
a sensitive lover, but could never admit it to the other guys?
Do our Aussie blokes have any rites of passage that give them guidelines
about their sexuality, intimacy, and communication with women?
Daphne Kingma, best selling author of the book The Men we Never Knew says
“Men are capable of intimate relationships, but only women can help men
develop emotional expressiveness and initiate them into emotional
intimacy. Men simply can’t learn this on their own!”
So there we have it, girls! Men do need women to help them out. But the
biggest problem is to get men to admit that they need help and that women
can help them.
Let’s consider what part we played when we were growing up in creating the
typical Aussie bloke! Have we been too callous and too quick in our
judgements?
A male friend of mine, ‘Jack’, commented: “No, your judgments are
generally correct. That’s why we have jokes about ourselves: ‘Why do
Aussie men suffer from premature ejaculation? They are in such a hurry to
rush down to the pub to tell their mates all about it’; and ‘What’s Aussie
foreplay? G’day, are you awake?’
What about us? Were our expectations too high, and so we put educating the
guys in the ‘too hard basket’? Conversely, did we, us girls, have role
models and mentors to coach us in how to teach our guys? I don’t think so.
Are the lines between the sexes now too blurred to get a grip on what we
really want? Do you think you and I could help men develop emotional
expressiveness as Daphne Kingma says?
A friend in the US, Dr Herb replied: “Yes, when you use the
spiritual/feminine traits that build relationships. It should be known
that even though they are feminine traits, there are women who are made up
just like the Aussie blokes as well....the real subject here is
relationship building. You women have the world by the balls...literally.
You have what the men want...now you, too, must learn how to build the
relationship, and the guys will be like kids in a candy shop...they will
change because men love to be treated with empathy (the No.1 craving of
all mankind, to be seen as genuine and caring.)...They will melt in your
hands at your beck and call.”
These are big questions for us girls and if our job here is to help the
boys, then how on earth are we going to do this?
Dr Herb’s advice: With behavioural skills, behavioural modification . .
.with the ten commandments of change. No 1 is that change takes place best
in small increments, and then after a series of successful small
changes.....
Author, Dr Robert Svoda’s, book, Ayurveda for Women backs up Daphne about
us girls being needed to help the guys out!
“Little girls have their daddies wrapped around their little fingers...
you big girls can do it the same way. But do it nicely.”
Take a deep breath before you take in the following words of wisdom! Dr.
Robert says,
"What men first need to learn is how little they know about sex, and how
much women can teach them. Men lack the neural connections that, in a
female integrate her groin with the upper portions of her brain, the
connections that allow a higher form of consciousness to flow into her
loins along with her lovemaking. Only a woman can train a man's nervous
system to transcend its reptilian ancestry and ascend towards a truly
human response, for only a woman can teach a man to share her experience."
What did Dr Herb say to this? True, however, this is a two way
street.....I have been with women who also didn't have a clue how to give
a hand job or oral sex.....couples need to educate each other as not all
men are the same and the same with women....
Most men’s brains are geared to an orgasm, how they get there is the
problem. They need to understand that women have the same need but need to
get there in a different manner.
You needed that deep breath, didn’t you? It doesn't have to get that
heavy, Dr Herb says, just say, “Here is what I like and here is how you do
it...if you care enough for me, you will learn” or “Let me show you what I
like, and perhaps you will like it, too.”
Does this surprise you? And yes, we trust the fact that a doctor knows the
intimate details of our masculine and feminine neural bits! How can you
and I grasp these words from the wise doctor above? Are you and I
comfortable enough with our sexuality, and/or our femininity and
self-esteem?
Come on, girls, let’s be really brave and see how we can aspire to
becoming neuron software assistants for the guys! The how-to-use manual
will be simple. It states that the new software moves their neurons from
their loins up to their brain.
Now let me back that statement up, as I know from experience that
installation of this new software works wonders! Can you imagine a survey,
say, in ten years’ time, when Aussie blokes are voted the best lovers in
the world? Wouldn’t that be exciting!
Could it be that most men you will encounter will have moved from “grab
and grope” to awakened warriors who truly knew how to love, to touch, to
respect and to pleasure a woman and to be a caring, heartfelt lover!
Dr Herb tells us: Just remember, men love the same things that it takes to
nurture and build a relationship as you women do...however, in the
meantime, tell them that you love gentleness and just go about gently
stroking their ego...you may have to teach them what gentleness is and how
it is shown, or what it means to you. Women must get better at what they
are already naturally qualified at . . perhaps awareness is a good place
to start.
Back to practicalities, girls! Do we call in a computer programmer or do
we start some experimental practices?
If you go to the library, you will find a book written by Nancy
Quailles-Corbet, called The Sacred Prostitute. Nancy is an academic and
has been tracing the temple priestesses and has written the stories of the
value of healing men.
These girls (priestesses) were trained in the art of taking the war out of
men. When men came back from war, they were sent to the temples and were
tenderly treated and massaged until all the aggression and ravages of war
were taken out of them. It was only then that the guys could return safely
healed to their families.
So, do we have to become the modern priestesses, us gals to do the
software reprogramming? Dr Herb believes the so-called software will
change on its own with the right payoff.
Where can you and I go to learn about these new ways of connecting with
intimacy?
Dr Herb tells us to go to all of our current relationships with everyone
we know...practise on our current relationships, and then with new men
etc, study behavioural modification from Abraham Maslow and the like...
Mantak Chia, an authority on Chinese Medicine and Sexual Healing, says
this about the men and women!
“A man’s sexual software is like fire. It combusts quickly and burns
itself out very fast!” (Do you get the drift? That would make sense to
you, wouldn’t it? As software programmers, we learn how to keep their fire
burning slowly so the fire stays warm and glowing.)
“A girl’s sexual software is like water.” (You knew it, didn’t you?)
“Girls need their water to be warmed slowly in descending order! Yes, I
said, descending (from the head down) rather than the ascending software
that most of us have experienced.”
Honestly, do you remember any of us being taught about this when we were
skinny little adolescents feeling guilty about the slightest twinge of
enjoyment or, god-forbid, pleasurable sexual feelings?
ƒ
So what has all this to do with taking Aussie blokes off the hook?
Well, as burgeoning hormonal adolescent girls curious about our fast
changing bodies, did we ever stop to think about how the dangly shy
adolescent boys were coping with teenage years, hormones, pimples and most
importantly their relationship to girls and their place in the world
today?
Maggie Hamilton in her well-researched book, “What Men Don’t Talk About”
reveals her insights into teenage boys.
“When boys reach their teenage years, they often become angry and
uncommunicative. It can be a bewildering time for them, as their hormone
levels change and their bodies seem to grow almost daily. Their attitude
towards sex, girls and male peers is also confused, as they begin to
experience emotions they were previously unaware of”.
She continues “Far too many boys face years of uncertainty and confusion
as they struggle to live up to what is expected of them by parents and
peers. With the increase in single parent households, often run by
overworked mothers, and the absence of meaningful rites of passage that
help boys make the transition from boyhood to manhood, often their teen
years are far more difficult for boys than they need to be.”
In researching the Internet on this subject I was directed to an
Australian-based rites of passage program for both boys and girls -
www.pathwaystomanhood.com
The essence of their message is that the teenage to adulthood timeframe is
the most difficult time for young men.
Their research says those who participated in the Australian-based program
have more vision, more confidence, more respect for women, stronger
relationships with their fathers, the motivation to focus on school and
later studies, and a desire to give back to the community.
The majority of us, though, haven’t experienced any of the above!
Girls, does this give you a little more insight? Perhaps those ‘typical’
guys from the early paras in this story, are more fragile than we think?
The meaningful rites of passage that Maggie Hamilton talks about are
almost non-existent for our typical Aussie blokes!
Girls, we need to tread softly here! Why? Because our feminine traits of
compassion, understanding and tolerance are needed! With insight and these
traits, we can heal ourselves and thus the men who are in our close
circle.
Even though many of the males being born now carry more feminine essence
and are less rigid in their ways, it is up to you to create an invitation
for men to go to their inner being, as, maternally, you hold them and
nurture them.
ƒ
Here is a suggested game plan for the men in your life!
Share this valuable information with them.
“You guys (just like us) are set up like electricity stations. The diagram
below will help you understand!
Have a look at the diagram below and see the coloured circles along the
human spine.
These power points represent your energy switches.
To keep it simple, imagine the more switches you have turned on, the more
light and electricity you have. The more electricity you have, the more
feeling, pleasure and fulfilment you have.”
Many guys have only the two bottom power points (the red and orange)
operating in their software system during love-making. Remember, as Dr.
Robert Svoda said, this is like guys being locked into their reptilian
brain!
Our job is not to put guys down, they need to be encouraged to learn how
to open up to these higher power centres, which will give them (and of
course, you), a deeply fulfilling experience.
So guys, what would you deduce from the above? If you knew you could
experience a three to four-fold increase in fulfilment, wouldn’t you want
to experience the difference and become an extraordinary heart-filled
lover?
ƒ
Let’s hear some stories from one of my clients who has experienced a
‘software’ upgrade!
A client, Peter (who is mid age)” explains his journey:
“Well, like a lot of men, I found that I was missing a lot of love in my
relationship and wondered what I was doing wrong.
I did some research on the Net and discovered that there was a whole new
world out there where I could learn more about the needs of women and how
to please them more through Tantric Love.
My journey so far has taught me that it is "not just about me" but about
how I can put the "we" back into lovemaking. It is the energy that is
within us that gives more to each other than just the sex. By harnessing
the sexual energy and using it for the benefit of prolonging our
lovemaking and ‘pleasuring’ our partner, both partners experience that
feeling of ‘pure delight’ - an inner glow of self.
My journey has a way to go but it is giving me a better understanding of
what ‘enjoyment in giving’ is all about”.
ƒ
Kerry Riley in his book, Sexual Secrets for Men, says
“What we need is a new man, a man who can bring back to sex its original
sacredness, who is able to make love in such a way that it opens the door
to enlightenment for his beloved and himself, and fulfils his deepest
yearnings for the meaning of life”
He continues: “We need education in lovemaking because it will increase
our choices and our knowledge. We don’t have to assume the attitudes
handed down to us by society. We can adopt new attitudes which serve us
better and help us to have a more fulfilling, happy, healthy love life.
When Kerry Riley says we need a ‘new man’ who can bring back to sex its
original sacredness, this is what he means.
When a man experiences his sexual energy moving up to his heart, he is on
his way to becoming ‘that new man’!
ƒ ƒ ƒ
Shazara
Tantric Healer
shazara88@optusnet.com.au
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