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Sex On The First Date - How does it affect dating short or long term?
© David Newton
1/12/08
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Often the most talked about subject over a coffee break on a Monday
morning. What did you do on the weekend? Oh I went out on a date. Did you
sleep with them? Yeah it was great!
Is it what you want to do these days?
That all depends on a few things.
Attraction
Going back many thousands of years of human existence we have been given
to creating new connections with the opposite sex at a very rapid rate.
We are sure to know we are attracted to a new potential partner within
minutes of meeting them or seeing them in a photo. Typically, we know what
we want most of the time.
Short Term View
We act on our needs in the here and now. If we have an urge, we try to
fulfill it as fast as possible.
Many things help this to be possible. If we want a drink, we can go to our
fridge and pull out a cold drink. If there is something we want but can't
find it, our local 7 Eleven is just around the corner for us.
We even have credit cards so we can buy things before we need to pay for
them. It’s all very easy. Maybe too easy.
Availability
In Australia today we have more available women than men. From a stastical
view point. There can be as many as 3 available women to each available
male. That alone puts a stress on the supply-vs-demand equation. Some
parts of the country the numbers are almost equal and others this ratio is
nearly double.
As far as shorter term needs go, dating can be seen as a means to an end.
We all have needs for affection. We also needs adult company whereby we
can talk, listen openly converse about matters that affect us in our jobs,
careers, and our domestic lives. If we happen to have kids, this takes
away from the time we spend with adults of our own age or life
understanding. So we crave adult company even more. And let’s face it;
some jobs where we only see our own gender make the craving for the
opposite sex more relevant.
Longer Term Needs
Yes, some of us do desire to meet a single partner who will meet ALL our
needs long term and short term. It’s often branded with the word
"commitment" and not everyone knows how to create a situation whereby the
can get a commitment from a potential date or partner.
To get a commitment involves MARKETING your best traits and qualities that
will ATTRACT the person you want, for them to not only see you on a few
dates, but to hang around long enough to ask you for a commitment.
The key failure of people who want a commitment but don't get them is that
they fail to enroll their dates into being desirous of them. They fail to
make themselves a "good catch" rather than looking for a "good catch" this
is the fundamental reason behind their lack of results.
A prominent TV commentator I know told me she dated lots of guys before
she met one man she could marry. She confessed to me that - yes - she
bedded as many men as she dated to see "how they were in the sack" (her
words not mine) because she wanted to not waste any time. And as her time
was very precious, seeing clients all day long, she used online dating as
her way to find quality dates.
The upshot of this was, she was pleased to tell me that after a few years
of dating. She finally met the man she wanted to spend the rest of her
life with.
After all dating should be fun. It’s not a clinical exercise. If you're
not having fun, in my book it’s simply not dating.
You see some people are so hung up on finding "the one" they miss living
while they at it.
If you are having fun, looking happy and relaxed and you've taken the time
to learn more about how to relate better to the opposite sex, overall
you'll be more attractive to a new partner.
Dating Momentum
They say timing is everything right? Well it’s partly true. I've often
found that by seeing lots of different dates within a short period of time
helps me discover a special partner.
How Come?
If you are having around the same gender over a short period of time
you'll be carrying a certain air of confidence about you that other dates
sense, but can't quite put their finger on. As a result, they want a part
of what it is that's in your "halo" and desire you all the more. Your
communication skills are sharpened, your smile is infectious, your step is
a skip, and your voice sings, you're jovial, your "in tune' and you listen
better to the opposite sex. You are even more affectionate.
All these things make for an irresistible person you've become to the
opposite sex, that they want to flirt with you and you back to them. The
momentum from several dates in a short time period, can give you that
higher level of attraction than if you ever went at a glacial pace!
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