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Green With Jealousy
Why Dating is Hindered by Petty Jealous Emotions
© David Newton
12/24/07
Green with Jealousy and Green with Envy
- Are you the jealous type?
- Are you the type of person who when seeing your partner talk with
another person (especially the opposite of their gender)
you get enraged with anger and emotion?
- Does the thought of letting your partner "do as they please" talking
with strangers at a social function or maybe even the
local supermarket drive you almost insane with a desire to control their
lives?
It’s A Hot Topic Hey?
Even the newspaper blogs talk avidly about 'fidelity' and often write
about the topic of 'cheating' in their relationship
columns - but is it a way to live?
More than any other emotive trait, jealousy has a bad name and gets people
into acting out irrational behaviors. Many people
who suffer this diabolical trait make life hard for their lovers, and wind
up losing them due to "boxing in" their lovers
lives, until they can't take it any longer - to only leave them in the end
anyway.
So Why Do People Get Jealous?
Mostly its due to a "poverty mentality" ... a feeling that they won't get
enough of what they want. The belief that there isn't
enough to go around. Or that they may lose what they have. This creates an
irrational urge to control or manipulate the outcome
of their partner's every move.
The Effects Of Jealousy -
You don't need to go far to see the outward effects of jealousy - read
your daily newspaper or watch TV and you'll see how one
lover tried to wreck the life of their partner or even their potential new
partner’s lives (whether they were really a threat
or not) it's amazing that some people just never "get it" that this sort
of action has no positive story ending.
Conditional Love?
I have to laugh when people say they want "non-conditional love". It's only
a by-line. In reality, everyone wants "conditional
love" they just don't know how to state it. Its true, just listen to
yourself talk with a new lover about your "wants and
desires" ... And how you want those fulfilled.
You can bet your bottom dollar, they will certainly have conditions
attached to them. Am I right? Lets be open here, you bet
they are.
Toby Green an Author and Counsellor I know from Sydney wrote a book called
"If you really loved me" and when you get into the
book. You'll discover that how we frame our conversation to a partner is
around all the things "we assume" ... will make a
loving relationship to be. BUT without actually SAYING anything to clearly
bring this about.
Then when our partner doesn't 'follow the script' as laid out before them,
we punish them in a way they'll never forget.
Jealousy is just one of those things that is a result of wanting a partner
to act in a certain pre-ordained way. If they slip
up, Wham! We never let 'em forget it!
Less is More
If you want a partner to 'hang around' stop trying to smother them. You
may have heard the saying; "If you give them just a
little less, they'll want more" ... Now this isn't a hard and fast rule.
But it is a start.
I have the attitude of "if they want me a little - they'll want me more if
they have to work a bit to get it". Meaning that, I
want a partner who is willing to chase after me as much as I for them. The
reason why some people seem to never get BEYOND the
"chase" is that they give in, and give all after the initial courting
phase. What a waste.
Human desire to chase what you don't have stops at the consummation of a
pairing. It in reality never ends. But some people
miss the opportunity to keep the desire and flame re-newed and fresh. You
still need to take an active role in creating romance
in the relationship long after you've met your mate.
Realize that just because your partner is talking with the shop sales
assistant, they aren't trying to pick them up. Give them
some slack.
Take the Opposite View -
If being jealous is a problem for you why not take the opposite view for a
change. That of allowing your partner "free reign"
to see who they like. Be open in your encouragement of it. The point I'm
making here is that relationships are primarily about
being able to be free to be your real self with your partner and they
being free to be themselves with you.
If you've ever dated a jealous type of partner, you'll know that it’s a
full time job trying to second guess how your partner
is going to react to your day to day moves. If it does get beyond simply a
few quick one line responses, it maybe best to
review dating that person.
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